just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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