Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
