i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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