I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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