You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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