i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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