Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
