i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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