I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The best revenge is premature balding
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
