You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
