How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
