He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
