if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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