I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i will never coherently bang her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
