and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
