why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
