Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh god it's open bar.
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