Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
