I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are not precious.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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