I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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