I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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