On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
