so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
