Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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