i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
