i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
