I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
