absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
