Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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