I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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