i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
