There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We smell like vodka and hangover
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