hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
