I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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