If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
