I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The maid of honor just puked.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
