I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
