I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
