if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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