Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
