Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
