she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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