my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
