I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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