I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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