I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
