Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
