I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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