I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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