He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Are we still banned from the library?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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