I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
