I will die if light touches me.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
