chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
tell me about the eggs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
