I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is Oprah even human
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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