My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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