he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
