i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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