The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
