how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
