apparently the secret to your success is patron
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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