I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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