would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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