i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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