i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
