yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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