Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
