oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
