It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
