Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
